Got bored. Did this.
It's based on the first paragraph of the original five word story, as written in
Tanpeel's post.
~=~
Long ago, in a time long forgotten, there was a dog. From that dog, wind did come, potent and foul, destroying all it touched. Three fortunate souls escaped the evil wind, however. Those three were named Dubien, Hotmage and Tanpeel. They escaped in a carriage of cheese, though the cheese smelt little better than the dog, and brought forth an army of dead rodents in its wake. The three brave survivors led the rodents into the shadow the gargantuan ship, Titanic, breaking its supports as they went and crushing the unnatural swarm under its enormous hull.
The Three knew, with great dread and sorrow, that the evil wind of the dog would destroy the people of the Titanic. With a heavy heart, they retreated, knowing that they could not save the doomed. They made haste to their own ship, a marvel of technology that could reach out to the stars, and set course for the world of the apes, where they could start anew, and right the wrongs of their old world, but a great explosion rocked the ship, and they never reached their destination.
Still, they survived.
The ship crashed on a strange planet that they had no knowledge of. In Tanpeel's case, this was not surprising, for it was said in the Book of the Wisdoms that, “You could fill a black hole to bursting with the things Tanpeel knoweth not.” and so, the three knew not what to expect beyond the battered hull of their broken ship.
Cautiously, The Three left the meagre safety of the ship, and were greeted by a tall, blue people, the like of which had never been seen before, except in the wildest delusions of mad men. Dubien tried to communicate with the lead alien, who looked on at The Three in confusion. It was Hotmage who discovered the source of their confusion; a rich, red liquid in a corked bottle. A tentative tasting of the curious concoction revealed it be some of the finest wine The Three had ever tasted, and they drank heartily. Soon, The Three were as “confused” as the strange blue people, and, thus, able to understand their slurred dialect. They revealed themselves to be Winierds, masters of the ancient dragon language of Tamriel. The Three knew nothing of Tamriel, but the Winierds taught them the language nonetheless. Possessed of their new skills, The Three tried a powerful dragon shout …
… and the Universe receded around them.
They found themselves in a strange land, groggy and confused. The Winierds were equally as confused, for they had never known such a thing in a thousand years of speaking the ancient dragon language. The wine was there, also, and so Winierds were mollified.
The Three began to take in the land around them. There was something strange about it that they could not place. Then it struck them. In the back of the head, a diamond sword. One by one, the Winierd's fell to the sword, and were banished from the strange world. As the last Winierd fell, The Three watched his blue head bounce off of a blocky outcropping. Tanpeel's eyes widened in realisation.
“The land is made of blocks!” he declared.
Hotmage and Dubien turned to their companion with faces of wonderment and amazement, and spake thusly; “Well spotted, genius.”
The owner of the diamond sword advanced on The Three, who were weaponless. Fearing the worst, they were surprised to find the sword bearer polite and just. He explained to them that the Winierds were stealing grapes from a nearby vineyard, and had to be punished. The Three felt relief that the same fate was not in store for them, but sadness washed over them as their eyes fell on the last Winierd, motionless, with the shaft of an arrow protruding from his face.
All the Winierd's were dead.
~=~
